Recap of leader quick tip: Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

It’s a rotten feeling when someone can “push your buttons.”

The words or actions of another can cause anger, resentment, irritation, defensiveness, impatience, disappointment, and more. (Remember John Maxwell—“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.”)

We know that none of you, our loyal solutions for leaders readers, ever react in any of these ways!

And that’s good, because these reactions can quickly get a leader labeled “a jerk.”

This is not a good thing.

Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

You have complete control over yourself, but you have chosen to give some of that control away. 

What kind of control have you given up? The control over the way you feel, and the way you then react.

In other words, you let others “trigger” you. And your response is automatic.

You’re a stickler for starting meetings on time. The same person is habitually tardy. He sets you off—every time. You get agitated—every time. The meeting goes downhill—every time.

Mr. Tardy controls your feelings, and reactions.

Would you like to take back the control you have given away? Of course, you would.

This is important. If you can’t master yourself, how can you master your world as a leader?

Maybe you’re getting triggered because you have your hand in the wrong tool kit.

Recap of leader quick tip: Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

He’s late for the meeting again. You open your tool box, reach for the hammer, and get his attention.

She misses another deadline.  A vise for that cute little thumb and she’ll remember next time.

He keeps resisting change. Let’s see here. Ah, a crowbar to pry him into the future.

Listen up. The tools in this toolbox are designed to force the other person to change. It’s a heavy handed way to make others stop pushing your buttons. This isn’t the problem though.

The problem is that the focus is on the wrong person.

When someone triggers us, we want them to stop. Sure, but this gets us nowhere fast.

If someone is triggering you, there is but one real and lasting solution.

You have to imagine you are an onion, and peel back the layers to find out what’s going on..

What’s behind you being triggered? And why are you letting others push your buttons?

Until you answer these questions, nothing is really going to change for you.

You can learn all about this if . . . you will decide to attend our upcoming Self Mastery for Leaders workshop. For details, click here!  If you are really curious, join our teleconference on Wednesday, October 5th at 11:45 a.m. to gain a better understanding about the workshop and it’s long term benefits to you!

And stay tuned for this continuing series of Leader Quick Tips and BLOGs for more on “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.”

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Recap of leader quick tip: How can you master your own world without first mastering yourself?

So says Patricia Aburdene, author of Megatrends 2010 and coauthor of four other Megatrends books.

What does self-mastery mean?

She answers this question by asking one, “But how can you exert control over your surroundings without first mastering your own thoughts and emotions?”

How do you get started?

Self-mastery begins with knowing yourself, not a surface understanding, but an in-depth one. This is the starting point. Self-mastery follows.

How important is self-mastery for leaders?

Aburdene says leaders need the power of self-mastery more than anything else!

Are corporations buying into self-mastery?

Yes, they are, including Time-Warner, Yahoo!, Google, Apple and many other companies large and small.

How do you get started?

Martha and Thad are conducting a one-day “self-mastery for leaders” workshop on November 11 in the Atlanta area.

What won’t happen?

Self-mastery does not come from listening, so don’t expect too much of that.

What will happen?

The art of self-mastery results from experiencing; hence there will be many non-threatening experiential opportunities to know yourself better in order to lead others more effectively.

What will you learn about yourself?

You’ll learn the following:

1. how others perceive you, in contrast to the way you see yourself
2. the impact you have on others
3. causes of confidence and courage issues you may have
4. what holds you back from becoming the leader you want to be
5. what is your response to something you’ve never done before

What will you do with this?

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is self-mastery, but you will definitely get a clear and concrete jump-start down the pathway toward your own self-mastery.

What will the end result be?

Self-mastery will result in a giant step in both your personal and leadership effectiveness.

What happens next?

You’ll get more details about the workshop next week, including how to register.

And we’ll be having a couple of webinars about the workshop soon, too.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Recap of Leader Quick Tip: Sanctioned behavior gets repeated

When you strain your energy to the utmost and you produce the best, do you expect to be rewarded or punished?

Rewarded of course… and if you’re not, then what?

If you sanction (accept) not being rewarded, it is sure to continue!

Behaviors toward you:

• Are you hated because of your achievements?
• Scorned because of your high standards?
• Denounced because of your character and virtues?
• Called selfish because you do what is right?
• Called arrogant because of your independent mind?
• Called ruthless for the strength and self-discipline of your drive to your purpose?

Your reaction:

• Have you borne it all and kept silent?
• Have you bowed to THEIR code of conduct?
• Have you accepted an undeserved guilt for who you are and what you do?
• Have you sanctioned (accepted) THEIR behavior toward you?

Then you should ask: WHY?

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

P.S. Think about how these questions form a common thread through leadership consulting, executive coaching and leadership training.

P.S.S. The leadership lessons in this Quick Tip and BLOG are taken from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

Recap of Leader Quick Tip: High performers have already decided whether to stay or go

The leadership challenge that ranked #3 in our November survey was “retention of high performers.”

Information is power!

This means you have to start by stopping.
1. Stop making assumptions—about which high performers are ready to bolt and why, and which will stay and why. It’s risky business thinking you have it figured out.

2. Stop projecting—your own needs and preferences onto your high performers. For example, if you’d leave for more money, believing others would, too, is projecting. Or, if you like to know your options, but you’d leave only if the perfect job comes up, it is projecting to believe others will do little more than shop around.

Recap of Leadership Quick Tip: Engagement surveys are nothing more than employee opinion surveys by another name

Here’s how they are the same:

1. Survey items are around the same old employee satisfaction stuff;
2. Engagement surveys are completed anonymously too;
3. Data continue to be aggregated for reporting;
4. Survey results continue to show problems that are too pervasive, too elusive, too demanding, too costly, and too easy to let slide and
5. Good intentions to take action (based on results) lose momentum like usual.

Perhaps the biggest issue, aside from the surveys themselves, is this: If managers haven’t been held accountable to lead effectively in the past, who is going to hold them accountable now?
So what’s a leader to do, if you want to crank up employee engagement a notch or two on your team…

Call us for proven engagement solutions that work for your team or larger organization at 678-576-5207.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Recap of Leader Quick Tip: Sally Ride puts listening as top quality of a good leader
There are other views.

1. “Leaders are supposed to tell, employees are to listen.”
2. “I don’t have time to run around listening to everybody!”
3. “I’d listen more if people had something worthwhile to say.”
4. “I get everything I need to know from my weekly (or daily) management reports.”

Why then does Sally Ride put so much emphasis on listening?

1. Leaders are faced with an information void. They don’t have enough information to lead effectively.
2. Listening does something technology can’t do—it lets you get inside a person’s head and shine a light on information you can’t get anywhere else.

If you don’t listen, where else will you get impressions, perceptions, opinions, observations, and experiences of savvy, experienced people on your team and in your larger organization?

What better way than listening can you uncover problems-causes-solutions, and wants, needs, and priorities of those you lead?

Why do leaders often shy away from listening?

All the best to your success,
Martha Forlines and Thad Green