Every failure gets you closer to success.

Each one gets you closer to giving up.

Which will you choose?

Choosers of success hold an edge!

Recap of leader quick tip: You choose where failure leads

Herein is a clue for you

Behind the wheel of an automobile

A thought appears

Not at all clear

Sir Isaac Newton

Mathematician, scientist, philosopher

Somehow tied to you

If you’ll think of the great names

In the history of the world

Surviving centuries

Maybe a name or two

Will come to you

Artists and composers

Philosophers and astronomers

Scientists unraveling

Mysteries of the world

Slaves all to their passions and destinies

Forsaking all else

Discovering the kernel within

All of these

Just mere men

And women

If ever there was

A mere woman

And pictures of you

Wondering who you are

Who you really are

Who you will become

If you will listen to your heart

And follow your dreams

Not easy

This you know

Your life has told you so

But you can decide

Perhaps you will decide

To listen to your heart

And follow your dreams

But when?

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

P.S. This isn’t the kind of stuff you typically hear from leadership consultants and executives coaches, or in leadership training programs. This is the REAL THING!

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Martha Forlines and Thad Green

We’ve had several meetings with clients over the past month. When asked about how things are going with their employees the replies have been “…well, it’s performance review time again.” followed by the eye roll.

(Of course we have to follow up on “the eye rolls”, clear indicators of discomfort and dread.)  So, is it because this is a sacred, annual process versus an everyday giving and receiving feedback process? As Steven Covey puts it, making deposits to the emotional bank account for both the employee and their manager builds trust.  Read on…

It was time for the dreaded performance review. The new employee REALLY didn’t know what to expect.

The seasoned manager said, “I want you to complete a performance review on yourself. We’ll discuss it next week.”

Is this:

1. Trickery
2. Unfair to the employee
3. Abdication of responsibility by the manager
4. All of the above
5. Or something else all together?

The new employee anguished over the self-evaluation—over HAVING to make commitments about strengths and weaknesses, measured performance, and improvement needs.

The realizations were sobering:

• I’ve never done a real self-assessment of myself and my capabilities.
• I don’t clearly know everything expected of me or how to measure and document my performance.
• I should have been having discussions with my manager throughout the year about these things.

In the end, the new employee made a realistic self-appraisal, gave a copy to the manager, and discussed it item by item.

The manager listened, asked questions, and tried to understand without agreeing or disagreeing.

The manager had completed a performance review on the new employee and handed over a copy to read.

They discussed it, mainly the differences in their ratings, which were few.

The manager thought the employee’s self-review should have been a little higher on a couple of things, lower on a couple, and explained why.

So what were the results here?

1. The employee was prepared.
2. The employee’s view came first and was heard.
3. There was more trust because the performance review was not a one-sided discussion.
4. There were fewer surprises for the employee.
5. The manager learned several new and key things about the employee.
6. It was easier for real issues to surface and be discussed.
7. Employee preparation dissolved the likelihood for conflict.
8. The final performance review was more complete and accurate.
9. It was easier to reach agreement.
10. The performance review was less dreaded for both sides.
11. This time next year, the performance review will go even smoother with this process.

What’s the main point? Employees need to prepare for performance reviews, so help them get comfortable with the process. It works out better for manager and employee.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Recap of leader quick tip: Listen to what your satisfaction is saying

1950’s research on leadership and motivation still holds up.

The conclusion then, as now, is this: the best motivation is intrinsic satisfaction.

This is the satisfaction you get from the work itself.

That is, doing the work is fun, you enjoy it, it gives you satisfaction. This satisfaction has nothing to do with praise and recognition and pay or anything else that others give you for doing the work.

A golfer loves playing golf. An entertainer loves entertaining. The speaker loves making speeches. The leader loves leading. This is intrinsic satisfaction.

If you could afford to, you’d do the work for free. Maybe even pay to do it.

It’s simple. When you love what you do, you love doing it. 

If you ain’t lovin’ leading, you may be on the wrong path.

There is a research-based corollary to intrinsic satisfaction: we tend to be naturally good at the things we love. This is important.

Being naturally good at something means we aren’t struggling, we aren’t fighting an uphill battle, we aren’t facing failure at every turn. Fear is not the fuel that keeps us going.

Instead, it means we are sure of our self, we know we can do it. In other words, we are confident.

We can always fine-tune and strengthen our natural ability, but being in our natural place is a good place to be.

So consider the combined power of intrinsic satisfaction AND being in your natural place.

And two questions. Do you love what you’re doing? Are you a natural at it?

If you get a “yes, yes,” more power to you.

If you get one “no,” reflect on how this makes you feel.

Listen to what your satisfaction is saying!

Don’t you want to love being in your natural place?

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

You lead a darn good team, except for one person. You’ve talked to him, gently, several times. Nothing changes.  

Recap of leader quick tip: Self-mastery lets you live life fully and richly, too.

How do you get to a full and rich life, personally and as a leader?

Self-mastery begins with conscious awareness. It’s all implied in Steve Jobs advice.

1. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Conscious awareness that you’re living someone else’s life and that  you can stop doing it.

2. “Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.”

 Conscious awareness of the dogma you are living and that you can change it.

3. “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

 Conscious awareness that you’re drowning in the opinion of others and that you can choose to swim with your own ideas.

4. “And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

 Conscious awareness of when and why and how often you ignore your heart and intuition and that you can start listening.

The first step toward self-mastery is becoming more self-aware. This is difficult to do alone.

That’s why we are offering a Self-mastery for Leaders Workshop in the Atlanta area on November 11—to help you take a major step toward your own self-mastery, no matter where you stand now.

For more information on the Workshop, click here . . .

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.” John Maxwell

Recap of leader quick tip: Everybody loses when leaders’ emotions get triggered and they react badly.

The 90% explains those often to referred to as the “jerk” at work.

Something happens and the ”jerk” reacts.  It actually becomes very predictable doesn’t it?

The reality is we all react to certain emotional triggers.

Reactions include:

1. Harsh words
2. Impatience
3. Anger
4. Defensiveness
5. Aggressive behavior
6. Criticism
7. Retaliation
8. Disgust
9. Temper tantrums

When leaders (anyone really) react in these ways, everybody loses.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

All of these reactions have a COMMON CAUSE.

You’re in the doctor’s office, sitting on the examination table. He uses his little hammer-thingy and taps you just below the knee. Your leg jumps forward—a knee-jerk reaction. Good sign.

But when it comes to leadership behavior, knee-jerk reactions can spell all kinds of trouble.

Knee-jerk reactions are involuntary, out of our control.

We get angry, we show it.

We feel hurt, we fight back.

We hear criticized, we get defensive.

We feel impatient, we show impatience.

We get disappointed, we use harsh words.

We screw something up, we blame somebody else.

So what’s the common thread behind these reactions?

The COMMON CAUSE of reacting negatively is this: we have given up choice in the way we react.

If something happens, we can choose to be angry about it, or not. There is a choice.

If we get angry, we can choose to show it, or not. There is a choice!

As long as we deny choice, then there is none. 

So what can we do?

This starting point is this: identify what emotional triggers you react negatively to.

1. Something a person says or does that upsets you
2. Events that are stressful
3. Things you say or do yourself
4. Long-held fears, pain, and thoughts that stir up emotions
5. Something people say or do to each other.

The best way to gain control and have choice is to identify where you are giving up choice now.

More in the next Leader Quick Tip and BLOG about gaining mastery over the way we react (90%) to what happens to us (10%).

And much more if you choose to attend our upcoming Self Mastery for Leaders workshop. Go here for more details.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Recap of leader quick tip: How can you master your own world without first mastering yourself?

So says Patricia Aburdene, author of Megatrends 2010 and coauthor of four other Megatrends books.

What does self-mastery mean?

She answers this question by asking one, “But how can you exert control over your surroundings without first mastering your own thoughts and emotions?”

How do you get started?

Self-mastery begins with knowing yourself, not a surface understanding, but an in-depth one. This is the starting point. Self-mastery follows.

How important is self-mastery for leaders?

Aburdene says leaders need the power of self-mastery more than anything else!

Are corporations buying into self-mastery?

Yes, they are, including Time-Warner, Yahoo!, Google, Apple and many other companies large and small.

How do you get started?

Martha and Thad are conducting a one-day “self-mastery for leaders” workshop on November 11 in the Atlanta area.

What won’t happen?

Self-mastery does not come from listening, so don’t expect too much of that.

What will happen?

The art of self-mastery results from experiencing; hence there will be many non-threatening experiential opportunities to know yourself better in order to lead others more effectively.

What will you learn about yourself?

You’ll learn the following:

1. how others perceive you, in contrast to the way you see yourself
2. the impact you have on others
3. causes of confidence and courage issues you may have
4. what holds you back from becoming the leader you want to be
5. what is your response to something you’ve never done before

What will you do with this?

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is self-mastery, but you will definitely get a clear and concrete jump-start down the pathway toward your own self-mastery.

What will the end result be?

Self-mastery will result in a giant step in both your personal and leadership effectiveness.

What happens next?

You’ll get more details about the workshop next week, including how to register.

And we’ll be having a couple of webinars about the workshop soon, too.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Achievement always fulfills some desires, and precludes others.

This collision is a growing concern among leaders.

The concern begins with a gnawing anxiety about what may happen.

Both good and bad come with achievement. When the bad outweighs the good, reality sets in and dissatisfaction shows up.

What’s a leader to do so achievement and desire do not collide?

Leaders can relate to this collusion between achievement and desire.

Achievement always leads to something, lots of things usually. Some are good, others are not so good.

Achievement is like a family vacation.

You got away from the office, but your mother-in-law came along.

You got to read some, but not enough because a dreaded cousin and her best (and obnoxious) friend visited for three days, uninvited.

You had fun with the kids, but you had to entertain them too much.

The food was great, but the weather wasn’t.

You got to do some things you wanted to do, but spent too much time pleasing others.

It was good to “get away,” but you had to settle too many arguments.

Nobody got sick or hurt, but you were bombarded with emails from the office with questions to answer, problems to solve, and decisions to make.

You were able to decompress, but then it was time to come home.

So how is achievement like a vacation?

First, you know on the front end what will please you, and what won’t.

Second, you can anticipate what could happen, and take action to insure much of the good, and prevent much of the bad.

Third, you can see how much good is likely to happen, and how much bad, and which way the scales will tip.

Fourth, you can make better decisions, if you anticipate and avoid unpleasant surprises.

In other words, look before you leap, so achievement and desire don’t collide.

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

It’s not the decisions you make that kill you, it’s the ones you don’t make, or make too late, that hold you back.

Sure, there’s a time and place for procrastinating, but you better know what you’re doing.

If you know when to procrastinate, procrastination can really pay off!!!

Otherwise, you’re asking for trouble.

You should procrastinate on decision making WHEN:

1. You’re angry.
2. You’re too tired to think clearly.
3. You need more information (and you can get it and get it quickly and without too much cost).
4. You need to prepare others for the decision.
5. You feel rushed.
6. You’re about to compromise your values.
7. You’re trying to make everybody happy.
8. You desperately want to please one or more key people.
9. You feel like you’re being pushed into the decision.
10. You’re not confident you’re making a good decision.
11. Your intuition is shouting “wait.”

If any of these conditions exist, hold off on making the decision, not too long though, but give yourself a little more time before deciding.

If you can make a better decision tomorrow, make it tomorrow!

Martha Forlines and Thad Green