Posts Tagged ‘leadership coaching’

A question you can’t answer

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011 by Martha Forlines

Questionmark 

You’ve heard it before—a list of key ingredients for creating a work environment where employees are highly engaged and successful, whether you’re leading a team or a larger part of the organization.

 

Putting the ingredients together is easier said than done, as you know.

 

Here’s why: there is a fundamental question that goes unasked—what is the common thread that cuts across all of the key ingredients?

 

Can you answer this question?

 

Give it a try after looking at the list of ingredients sifted from the stories of the “best places to work” recently appearing in the Atlanta Business Chronicle.

 

  1. Care about your employees – treat them with respect, fairness and dignity;
  2. Offer them opportunities to grow and develop their skills – so they know they are a valuable asset;
  3. Be available for your employees  to maintain trust – keep the lines of communication open;
  4. Communicate your expectations clearly – if they mess up, forgive them and continue to hold them accountable;
  5. Communicate the values the company honors then “walk the walk”;
  6. Foster creative, innovative thinking through employee involvement ;
  7. Foster an environment of trust, where everyone has each other’s backs;
  8. Celebrate accomplishments often;
  9. Hire the right skills, passion for the work and fit for the organization on the front end; and
  10. Have fun and enjoy your work!

 

What do all of these ingredients have in common?

 

The answer to the unasked question is this: all of the ingredients are intentional—they don’t just happen. 

 

Think about it.

 

Why does it take intent?

 

Intent is required because few leadership styles that naturally create the necessary ingredients.

 

And one or two missing parts can drag employee engagement down quickly.

 

That’s why most leaders have to work at it.

 

Leaders must go beyond their skill set and especially their values and beliefs.

 

Yes, values and beliefs.

 

What values does the leader place on people, and trust, and communication, for example? Key ingredients of engagement that aren’t valued simply are not going to show up in the work environment.

 

Leader values determine what the leader does.

 

What are the leader’s beliefs about hiring people that fit the job and the work environment, or about how to deal with poor performers? When beliefs are inconsistent with an engagement environment, the necessary ingredients will not miraculously appear.

 

Leader beliefs determine what the leader does.

 

If you want to create a work environment that fully engages the people you lead, take a close look at your values and beliefs regarding the key ingredients for engagement—then get intentional about what to do.

  

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Steve Jobs on self-mastery

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011 by Martha Forlines

 

SteveJobs

 

Recap of leader quick tip: Self-mastery lets you live life fully and richly, too.

 

How do you get to a full and rich life, personally and as a leader?

 

Self-mastery begins with conscious awareness. It’s all implied in Steve Jobs advice.

 

1. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Conscious awareness that you’re living someone else’s life and that  you can stop doing it.

 

2. “Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.”

 Conscious awareness of the dogma you are living and that you can change it.

 

3. “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

 Conscious awareness that you’re drowning in the opinion of others and that you can choose to swim with your own ideas.

 

4. “And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

 Conscious awareness of when and why and how often you ignore your heart and intuition and that you can start listening.

 

The first step toward self-mastery is becoming more self-aware. This is difficult to do alone.

 

That’s why we are offering a Self-mastery for Leaders Workshop in the Atlanta area on November 11—to help you take a major step toward your own self-mastery, no matter where you stand now.

 

For more information on the Workshop, click here . . .

 

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Wrong tool kit for the “jerk” at work!

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011 by Martha Forlines

Recap of leader quick tip: Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

 

It’s a rotten feeling when someone can “push your buttons.”

 

 alarmbutton

 

The words or actions of another can cause anger, resentment, irritation, defensiveness, impatience, disappointment, and more. (Remember John Maxwell—“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.”)

 

We know that none of you, our loyal solutions for leaders readers, ever react in any of these ways!

 

And that’s good, because these reactions can quickly get a leader labeled “a jerk.”

 

This is not a good thing.

 

Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

 

You have complete control over yourself, but you have chosen to give some of that control away. 

 

What kind of control have you given up? The control over the way you feel, and the way you then react.

 

In other words, you let others “trigger” you. And your response is automatic.

 

You’re a stickler for starting meetings on time. The same person is habitually tardy. He sets you off—every time. You get agitated—every time. The meeting goes downhill—every time.

 

Mr. Tardy controls your feelings, and reactions.

 

Would you like to take back the control you have given away? Of course, you would.

 

This is important. If you can’t master yourself, how can you master your world as a leader?

 

Maybe you’re getting triggered because you have your hand in the wrong tool kit.

 

Recap of leader quick tip: Others can push your buttons only when you allow them to.

 

He’s late for the meeting again. You open your tool box, reach for the hammer, and get his attention.

 

She misses another deadline.  A vise for that cute little thumb and she’ll remember next time.

 

He keeps resisting change. Let’s see here. Ah, a crowbar to pry him into the future.

 

Listen up. The tools in this toolbox are designed to force the other person to change. It’s a heavy handed way to make others stop pushing your buttons. This isn’t the problem though.

 

The problem is that the focus is on the wrong person.

 

When someone triggers us, we want them to stop. Sure, but this gets us nowhere fast.

 

If someone is triggering you, there is but one real and lasting solution.

 

You have to imagine you are an onion, and peel back the layers to find out what’s going on..

 

What’s behind you being triggered? And why are you letting others push your buttons?

 

Until you answer these questions, nothing is really going to change for you.

 

You can learn all about this if . . . you will decide to attend our upcoming Self Mastery for Leaders workshop. For details, click here!  If you are really curious, join our teleconference on Wednesday, October 5th at 11:45 a.m. to gain a better understanding about the workshop and it’s long term benefits to you!

 

And stay tuned for this continuing series of Leader Quick Tips and BLOGs for more on “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.”

 

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

The “jerk” at work

Tuesday, September 13th, 2011 by Martha Forlines

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.” John Maxwell

 angryman1

Recap of leader quick tip: Everybody loses when leaders’ emotions get triggered and they react badly.

 

The 90% explains those often to referred to as the “jerk” at work.

 

Something happens and the ”jerk” reacts.  It actually becomes very predictable doesn’t it?

 

The reality is we all react to certain emotional triggers.

 

Reactions include:

  1. Harsh words
  2. Impatience
  3. Anger
  4. Defensiveness
  5. Aggressive behavior
  6. Criticism
  7. Retaliation
  8. Disgust
  9. Temper tantrums

 

When leaders (anyone really) react in these ways, everybody loses.

 

It doesn’t have to be like this.

 

All of these reactions have a COMMON CAUSE.

 

You’re in the doctor’s office, sitting on the examination table. He uses his little hammer-thingy and taps you just below the knee. Your leg jumps forward—a knee-jerk reaction. Good sign.

 

But when it comes to leadership behavior, knee-jerk reactions can spell all kinds of trouble.

 

Knee-jerk reactions are involuntary, out of our control.

 

We get angry, we show it.

 

We feel hurt, we fight back.

 

We hear criticized, we get defensive.

 

We feel impatient, we show impatience.

 

We get disappointed, we use harsh words.

 

We screw something up, we blame somebody else.

 

So what’s the common thread behind these reactions?

 

The COMMON CAUSE of reacting negatively is this: we have given up choice in the way we react.

 

If something happens, we can choose to be angry about it, or not. There is a choice.

 

If we get angry, we can choose to show it, or not. There is a choice!

 

As long as we deny choice, then there is none. 

 

So what can we do?

 

This starting point is this: identify what emotional triggers you react negatively to.

 

  1. Something a person says or does that upsets you
  2. Events that are stressful
  3. Things you say or do yourself
  4. Long-held fears, pain, and thoughts that stir up emotions
  5. Something people say or do to each other.

 

The best way to gain control and have choice is to identify where you are giving up choice now.

 

More in the next Leader Quick Tip and BLOG about gaining mastery over the way we react (90%) to what happens to us (10%).

 

And much more if you choose to attend our upcoming Self Mastery for Leaders workshop. Go here for more details.

 

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

The cornerstone of effective leadership is self-mastery

Tuesday, August 30th, 2011 by Martha Forlines

Recap of leader quick tip: How can you master your own world without first mastering yourself?

Rosy

So says Patricia Aburdene, author of Megatrends 2010 and coauthor of four other Megatrends books.

 

What does self-mastery mean?

 

She answers this question by asking one, “But how can you exert control over your surroundings without first mastering your own thoughts and emotions?”

 

How do you get started?

 

Self-mastery begins with knowing yourself, not a surface understanding, but an in-depth one. This is the starting point. Self-mastery follows.

 

How important is self-mastery for leaders?

 

Aburdene says leaders need the power of self-mastery more than anything else!

 

Are corporations buying into self-mastery?

 

Yes, they are, including Time-Warner, Yahoo!, Google, Apple and many other companies large and small.

 

How do you get started?

 

Martha and Thad are conducting a one-day “self-mastery for leaders” workshop on November 11 in the Atlanta area.

 

What won’t happen?

 

Self-mastery does not come from listening, so don’t expect too much of that.

 

What will happen?

 

The art of self-mastery results from experiencing; hence there will be many non-threatening experiential opportunities to know yourself better in order to lead others more effectively.

 

What will you learn about yourself?

 

You’ll learn the following:

 

  1. how others perceive you, in contrast to the way you see yourself
  2. the impact you have on others
  3. causes of confidence and courage issues you may have
  4. what holds you back from becoming the leader you want to be
  5. what is your response to something you’ve never done before

 

What will you do with this?

 

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is self-mastery, but you will definitely get a clear and concrete jump-start down the pathway toward your own self-mastery.

 

What will the end result be?

 

Self-mastery will result in a giant step in both your personal and leadership effectiveness.

 

What happens next?

 

You’ll get more details about the workshop next week, including how to register.

 

And we’ll be having a couple of webinars about the workshop soon, too.

 

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

When desire and achievement collide

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011 by Martha Forlines & Thad Green

giveup-sm

Achievement always fulfills some desires, and precludes others.

 

This collision is a growing concern among leaders.

 

The concern begins with a gnawing anxiety about what may happen.

 

Both good and bad come with achievement. When the bad outweighs the good, reality sets in and dissatisfaction shows up.

 

What’s a leader to do so achievement and desire do not collide?

 

Leaders can relate to this collusion between achievement and desire.

 

Achievement always leads to something, lots of things usually. Some are good, others are not so good.

 

Achievement is like a family vacation.

You got away from the office, but your mother-in-law came along.

You got to read some, but not enough because a dreaded cousin and her best (and obnoxious) friend visited for three days, uninvited.

You had fun with the kids, but you had to entertain them too much.

The food was great, but the weather wasn’t.

You got to do some things you wanted to do, but spent too much time pleasing others.

It was good to “get away,” but you had to settle too many arguments.

Nobody got sick or hurt, but you were bombarded with emails from the office with questions to answer, problems to solve, and decisions to make.

You were able to decompress, but then it was time to come home.

 

So how is achievement like a vacation?

 

First, you know on the front end what will please you, and what won’t.

 

Second, you can anticipate what could happen, and take action to insure much of the good, and prevent much of the bad.

 

Third, you can see how much good is likely to happen, and how much bad, and which way the scales will tip.

 

Fourth, you can make better decisions, if you anticipate and avoid unpleasant surprises.

 

In other words, look before you leap, so achievement and desire don’t collide.

 

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Leadership Coaching: Discover What’s Behind Your Leader Fears

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011 by Martha Forlines & Thad Green

Recap to leader quick tip: Fear responses hold leaders back

worried and stressed

Here are some examples of leader behaviors that are responses to fear:

1.       Avoiding conflict.

2.       Not dealing with poor performers.

3.       Rewarding employees who don’t deserve it.

4.       Procrastinating on tough decisions.

5.       Unwillingness to give honest feedback.

6.       Not returning a call to an unhappy customer.

7.       Being defensive when criticized.

8.       Discouraging input from team members.

9.       Avoiding challenging situations.

Responding to fear results in behaviors that are counter to good leadership. These behaviors hold us back. They keep us from being the leader we want to be.

Is it possible to get beyond fear and become a more effective leader?

Short quiz for going beyond fear:

1.       Can you name the three fears that affect you most as a leader? Yes or No

2.       Are you consciously aware when a fear is pushing you to avoid or procrastinate? Yes or No

3.       Do you know the origin of your biggest fears? Yes or No

4.       Can you name three leader behaviors that are responses to your fears?  Yes or No

5.       Have you ever been introspective about your fears? Yes or No

6.       Are you currently seeking help with the fears that affect the way you lead? Yes or No

7.       Are you willing to excavate your fears and deal with them? Yes or No

8.       Are you truly hungry to be an outstanding leader? Yes or No

9.       Are you at a crossroads in your leadership career? Yes or No

10.   Do you realize you have to go beyond your fears to excel as a leader? Yes or No

Questions 1-6 are about where you are now in your journey. The more “Yes” responses the better, but the “No” responses will not keep you from getting where you want to be.

Questions 7-10 are the important ones. They are about where you CAN be. A “Yes” response to all four of these is a predictor of where you WILL be.

Many options are available to “get you there,” including assessment tools, executive coaching, leadership consulting, leadership training, and exploration in employee engagement.

For more on the subject of leadership and fear responses, stay tuned for upcoming Leader Quick Tips and BLOGs.

All the best to your success,

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Leadership Coaching: Workplace Conflict Causes Annoying Behavior

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 by Martha Forlines & Thad Green

Recap of Leader Quick Tip: The pain of conflict is a good thing

You’ve had a conflict.

It’s affecting the relationship and your work.

The other person is avoiding you and is unwilling to discuss the conflict.

He or she starts showing annoying behaviors:

1.       Acting like a crybaby

2.       Whining

3.       Pouting

4.       Being passive aggressive

5.       Bitching

6.       Fault finding

7.       Showing anger

These behaviors are a problem.

This is a good thing! It means a solution is wanted, but the person is not willing yet to try to resolve the conflict.

The annoying behaviors are signals of pain. The greater the pain, the more willing people are to deal with conflict, rather than keep avoiding it.

People don’t resolve conflict until they are ready. Pain gets them there.

The annoying behaviors mean you are a step closer to a solution.

There was a conflict. It hasn’t been resolved.

Now you’re fed up with the annoying behavior.

Here are things you want to say (but shouldn’t). It may make you feel better, but is sure to make the situation worse:

1.       Stop being a crybaby. Acting like that isn’t going to help.

2.       Stop whining. You’ll never get what you want.

3.       Stop pouting.  If you’re upset, speak up.

4.       Stop being passive-aggressive. You’re just making things worse.

5.       Stop bitching. You’re getting on my nerves.

6.       Stop finding fault with everything I do or I’m going to lock you in your office and throw away the key.

7.       Stop being mad all the time or I’m going to give you something to be mad about.

So, what should you do?

Most people have the wrong idea about resolving conflict.

It’s not about apologizing or compromising or solving the problem yourself.

Resolving conflict is about asking and listening.

It’s the easy way and the better way.

And remember, the one asking the questions is controlling the conversation. And that’s you.

Try this time-proven approach:

1.       Say “You seem upset about (name the conflict).” Stop. Listen.

2.       Ask “Can we talk about it?” Stop. Listen.

3.       Ask “What are you thinking and feeling?” Stop. Listen.

4.       Ask “What do you want me to do?” Stop. Listen.

5.       Ask “What are you willing to do?” Stop. Listen.

6.       Propose a solution. Stop. Listen.

7.       Reach an agreement. Hug and kiss, and get  back to work

Okay, so you’re saying, reaching an agreement is the hard part. Not really, if you follow the steps.

Many of you find it hard to ask questions.

More of you find it hard to ask a question and then stop, without saying anything else.

And listening can be the hardest part, hearing things you don’t want to hear. Being blamed or criticized or accused is hard to take without striking back.

When people are upset about a conflict, they mainly want to be heard, to let off steam, to get it off their chest.

When you will listen, you may find that the conflict simply dissolves.

We see this happen all the time in our leadership consulting, executive coaching, and employee engagement work.

Give it a try. You can make it work.

All the best to your success,

Martha Forlines and Thad Green

Digging up bones

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 by Martha Forlines & Thad Green

Review of leader quick tip—It’s better to face baby alligators

That’s what leadership coaching says. Here’s why.

Problems are like alligators:
Stage 1: They are born small.
Stage 2: They get big, strong and smart.
Stage 3: They intimidate.
Stage 4: They live a long time.

Unless . . . you take action early.

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